Love Diaries: A Little Confession

He keeps talking about her all the time. I always hear him out but I never look into his eyes. To make him feel that I am into the conversation I often end up asking stupid questions; those questions that take him further into this past. I feel awful when I do that to him. In such situations I look into my phone and pretend that I have many people to converse.

He hates it and then picks his phone. I feel terrible when he does that. I make an attempt and try to break the silence, by then he gets lost in his world. He gets puzzled with my prolonged silence. He tries to make me feel OKAY but by then I am hurt. Both of us after few such moments understand that it important to give time to each other and then get into this cheering up act. Interestingly, these moments then turn out to be the highlights of our meet ups.

A walk in the rain, a visit to a book shop or dropping by to the neighbourhood old church we end up doing these little things that we really love. We often have very little to talk about but our silence has its own beauty. We get to know what exactly is running in each other’s mind. After all we are best friends. A guy best friend is always difficult to deal with.

Okay, I am making that up. The truth is I feel more at ease when I am with him. He always makes things easy for me. He doesn’t have time for long conversations but makes sure that he sits beside me when I need him. He is definitely not just my best friend. There is more to this relationship. I am not being silly but the truth is I am love with my best friend.

I was making efforts to hook him with his ex so that he never felt that his life was incomplete. I was doing all this so that I could get away with these feelings but nothing seemed working. They are not meant to be together is what I thought until I received his message with morning. Apparently, he was going to ask her to come back in his life. His words reflected that he was confident about his decision. I wished him luck and didn’t bother to call him later.

I was upset with him not because he fell for the one who left him but for the fact he never told me he loved her all this while. Having said this, I will neither cut off nor confess anything to him. I am never going to put him into any awkward position. He has been more like my reflection. I look up to him for many things in life. He has curdled me when I needed that warmth in life.

Many a times he has kissed off my worries too. He made sure I was an extraordinary one in the crowd. I owe him a lot. But looks like my love might be overshadowed at many levels; but I will still love him for the rest of my life. It will be difficult for me to look into those eyes that make me fall in love every single time.

Thud! All of a suddenly, I was shaken up from my day dream by his monstrous ringtone. I was numb struck. He played his trick to wake me up from my long silence. He kept laughing at me and I was grinning but my eyes never met his…

Love Diaries is a weekly column on Youngisthan that features short fictional stories.