Shut up Rahul! You are not SRK and this is not a movie

Good politicians are generally taken as good orators who bedazzle you with their speeches and make you believe every word that comes out of their mouth. But when it comes to Congress vice president Rahul Gandhi, he seems to be speaking like a six year old lost school kid in extempore speech contest.

Wait, even a six year old will be smart enough to do it right.

When Rahul Gandhi was speaking at Shahdol in Madhya Pradesh yesterday, he looked like the same clueless kid who was dragged to speak publicly on and off with the candy in offer. Only this time the candy is quite big- the prime ministerial post.

The desperation with which he wants to win over everybody has been apparent for quite a few time for now. Be it his distancing himself from his party led UPA government, or publicly denouncing the decisions made by his party and the government to make himself look like a clean person, he has tried everything at hand.

The best part is that everybody is contributing to his little drama despite his big shortcomings to reap the benefit which may (or may not) come in the form of UPA3.

On and off he had been playing the emotional card, which Congress is very good playing at, to woo the voters in different part of the country. Be it Rajasthan, Delhi, Gujarat or recently visited Madhya Pradesh, he has been relying on two things- the food security scheme devised by the UPA government to win over poor and hungry and other is, which is quite a recent trend, playing on his mother Congress president Sonia Gandhi’s illness.

Not to blame him, what else the poor chap can do? His UPA government has only given him a relay of scams to speak of in its two consecutive terms under Manmohan Singh.

Interestingly, the “illness” which we talk about is a very secretive one. No one knows till date what is Ms Gandhi’s ailment. To top it all, yesterday only two Uttar Pradesh Congress Committee members were suspended for putting a hoarding in UP stating that since Sonia Gandhi is ill she needs to allow her daughter Priyanka Vadra to step in the election fray from Phulpur which was once Rahul’s grandfather Jawahralal Nehru’s seat.

But here was Rahul, using his mother’s illness as the emotional card for the entry to voter’s heart. Of course there was this old poverty and hunger card too. But they are almost overused now.

The beginning of his speech started with a ‘sorry’ for being late. This, we suspect, must have been questioned by a cool-guy of our age whose government Rahul claims will be formed in 2014: Sorry? Really? You are in India man, just fold your hand in Namaste and show off your dimples! Even the firangi dudes know this!

The speeches in Hindi are a big problem for Rahul we tell you. He is just not much familiar with the language. The more he tries to tame it, the more he ends up looking like a loser. Just look at what he said yesterday at the rally.

“What has the government done with the tribals here? Aapke saath bhrashtachar kiya?” he said. To which few of his followers responded, “Nahi, balatkar kiya.”

No wonder he was met with the such a response. This has happened with him earlier. Why doesn’t he take up Hindi classes? If he doesn’t want to sit with third grades, he can call for private tuitions. We do not think that his mother will deny him the tutor who taught her. Even she speaks better Hindi than him!

Next came those lines in speech which reminded us of that Rahul, the one in movies, perfectly played by SRK. As Rahul claimed, his mother did not let him know of her sickness because all she wanted was to see the legendary food bill passed in front of her. Rahul had to drag her to the hospital but she kept on repeating that she had “struggled for this Bill for years” and that she won’t leave “‘Do whatever you want (to)” only to miss “pressing the button” to pass the bill.

Who writes his speeches anyway?

Then he came to a point that he must be regretting speaking by now: dignity. He said that dignity comes before development. “Respect is more important to me than progress and prosperity. I would like to ask the youths and women in this rally whether tribals felt like living a dignified life during decade-long BJP rule in MP”: these were his exact words

We wonder where was his conscience when he ripped prime minister Manmohan Singh of what is left as his dignity after the two rotten UPA terms.

He said that “road construction, building of airports and bridges is important but ensuring respect to common person is more essential”. Well Rahul, providing basic facilities and infrastructure development enhances a person’s dignity. Your government only rusted the infrastructure development of the country.

Plus the way your government has been cashing on various cash benefit schemes, both the beneficiaries and the government are left with no dignity intact. Not to mention various corruption cases against various ministers.

“These people who talk about development, have they ever visited your house, have they ever shared a meal with you, have they ever had a conversation with you?” he asked. It was pretty much clear that he was doing jumping jacks inside his head and pointing his fingers towards himself shouting “me, me, me” while saying all this.

We thought, thanks to your qualified Congress members, that Narendra Modi was full of himself. Thanks to you for opening our eyes. But Rahul, real politicians do not complicate things by eating whatever little is there in the poor’s kitchen. They listen to their problems and provide them work which not only creates money for them but for the government also.

But you will not understand this. All your government has done to harass the skill development processes by introducing vote-fetching social security schemes which is going to make the poor pay every bit of their muscle in coming years.

You very well know that repeating the same lines everywhere is boring you too. And you also know by now that nothing is going to save your government from falling this time. The Prime Minister is likely to be included in the list of conspirators in CBI’s Coalgate FIR. And people do not take your words seriously as your poll strategies and campaign failed bitterly in many states.

Just fingers crossed that Congress in these five states, which are soon to undergo assembly elections this November-December, does not meet the same fate as in Bihar and Uttar Pradesh. And yes, please change your speech writer even if you write them yourself. This is not a movie, and you are not SRK.